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Lover’s Lane Review

This site is one that I had absolutely ever heard about until I happened upon it one day while surfing the internet. It has a very distinct theme of couple’s intimacy that was very apparent throughout the website. However, obviously most sex toys can be used by yourself without the need for a significant other, so even if you are totally single, this review will still be relevant. And with that I will begin my review!

First thing I saw when I got on the site was a very simple black and white theme. Not much color throughout as even the images themselves used white or some variation of grey for the background. Very soon after simply scrolling down their home pages, I also realized that this site is a lot more than just a sex toy shop. And even compared to other comprehensive shops in this niche, Lover’s Lane really was on an entirely different level. Not only did they have sex toys and the like, but they had things like lingerie, and costumes and even stuff they put under a category simply called “fetish”. And that category didn’t just make up whips and chains and stuff like that. They had stuff like leashes, extremely kinky sex wear, and even “electro shock” items that I absolutely wouldn’t come close to using even in my wildest dreams.

In short, the selection was very expansive. However, while that may be great for people truly kinky people, for those who are just looking for sex toys, it is pretty difficult to find your way to the appropriate section. All the links to the various sections seemed to overlap in terms of categories. For example there was a link for vibrators, but also links titled “For Her” and “For Him”, and even another separate link saying “Shop Toys”. Not only does that confuse the customers immensely, but it just ends up cluttering the homepage itself. It really made shopping here a struggle.

Anyways, after five stressful minutes trying to navigate to the right page, I finally found what I wanted for this sex toy review: “Wand Massagers”. I decided on getting something cheaper this time, so I went with the “Bodywand Mini Silver”. It is basically like a regular vibrator wand, but much smaller. However this brings up another critique in that the website does not even say how big the vibrator actually ways. All I knew was that it was “mini”. But for those of you who really need to know how big your vibrator is before purchasing, this would have been a huge problem. Especially if you were planning to stash this vibrator in your purse for on-the-go fun (For those of you who are curious, I measured it when I finally did receive it and it was about 3.5 inches).

The vibrator came promptly so at least there’s that. However, the toy itself was extremely underwhelming from a pleasure point. I cannot emphasize that enough. The vibrations itself were honestly very powerful. However, in terms of pleasure, it just wasn’t doing it for me. The vibrations made me feel ticklish rather than turning me on. And the vibrations were pretty loud too which was also disappointing, especially considering that their website specifically mentions that the toy has “subdued sound levels”. It honestly sounded just as loud as a regular-sized vibrator! Also, the batteries were absolutely terrible on the toy. It uses three of those small cell batteries, like the batteries found in wristwatches, but they barely last 10 or 20 minutes without having to be replaced. And that is a problem when no one carries around cell batteries like that around the home, and they can end up being pretty expensive unless bought in bulk. If they were at least AA or AAA batteries, it would have been a lot more manageable as I keep plenty of those around my house. But using a basically obsolete battery to power your sex toy is a pretty stupid idea, especially when the toy drains as much battery as this one does.

The shaft of the wand itself (i.e. not the vibrator head) was also made of a cheap plastic and even the cute jewels on the end of the device were quite tacky (In fact almost all of their sex toy offerings looked pretty poorly made and cheap overall). All of these facts combined lead me to believe that this toy won’t even last another month before I have to throw it out, either because it outright breaks, or because I realize that I’m spending way too much money just to replace the batteries for this thing. Now the price on this bad boy, not entirely surprisingly, was $20. But if talking from a value standpoint, $20 is way too much for what you end up getting. And to those ladies out there who say “well it’s only $20”, please think about spending your money more wisely instead. That $20 can get you a much more pleasurable and durable sex toy if you keep looking. Or even just a nice dinner. Just because something is only “X” amount of money, doesn’t mean you should just spend your hard-earned money on something that is of low quality. Just my two cents.

STORE: 5 / 10

PRODUCT: 4/ 10

PRICE: 7 / 10

OVERALL: 5.3 / 10

BOTTOM LINE: Despite the attempts of Lover’s Lane to be the absolutely authority all products related to sex, they ultimately fall well short of the mark, especially when it comes to their line of sex toys. Their website is downright confusing, and their products all reek of poor quality (in more ways than one), to the point where even if you are only spending “a few bucks”, you will still end up wasting your money. I highly recommend avoiding Lover’s Lane at all costs – there are plenty of other legitimately good sex toy stores out there, so shop at one of those and don’t look back.